Damn. It’s been such a long time since I wrote something on this space and my last post was the beginning of summer. In a blink of an eye, it’s almost the end of 2018 and approaching a new year. Hence, I wanted to just look back on this year and so-called ‘reflect’ a bit.
2018 has been such a mad year – a year filled with happiness, sadness, anger, disappointments, opportunities, mistakes and the list goes on. First quarter of the year, more than half of my time was dedicated to Malaysian Night & Society. Everything was so new to me and I don’t think I’ve ever played such a huge role in any large scale events. It was a steep learning curve for me and yes, I made mistakes along the way but at the same time, the experience was one that I would probably not get anywhere else. I was also overconfident, thinking I could juggle my time between the production, society, studies, competitions and actually having a life. I joined a total of three competitions in the first quarter, two which I had zero prior knowledge of. I also experienced my first ever assessment centre which I think left me traumatized ever since.
Fast forward to summer, I traveled to Barcelona for the first time ever and made a really last minute decision to go back home after the trip. When I was at the airport waiting for my flight, I received an email saying I’ve been offered an internship in London. I spent a good three weeks back in Malaysia and celebrated my grandmother’s 90th birthday. I then traveled back to the UK for my sister’s graduation and later on Krakow and Prague with my family. I went on the trip thinking I had everything settled for my internship and that it was going to be in Manchester instead of London (I even called and emailed to double check). About three or four days before my first day of work, HR called and said I am actually based in the London office. Shit. Thankfully, everything was settled quickly and there I was, on a train down to London.
My internship experience was amazing. I had the opportunity of shadowing different roles for a week and went on trips to Lloyd’s of London as well as meeting different clients prior to working on the project. My colleagues were a helpful bunch and made me feel like I was actually helpful to the team instead of you know, treating me like a blur lil’ girl with no work experience. I have to say though, I don’t think I’m a big fan of this hectic city especially during rush hours. There was once where it took me ages to get home because there was a signal failure with the tube and everybody was rushing to get out of the tube station and take the bus instead. Anyway, within the two months of my internship, I learned so much – from socializing with my colleagues at a local pub while having chicken and pizza (trust me, I hate socializing and am so bad at it), to learning that money is tough to make, to appreciating some me-time by eating alone and shopping alone, to being slightly better with directions and so much more.
Two months ended quickly and it was time for my final year of university. I went clubbing three weeks in a row during freshers week (fml much). I celebrated my 20th birthday with my friends and family. I also flew over to Amsterdam for a weekend to attend the AMF 2018 and found out that I actually had an essay to submit the following Monday (fml again) while on the trip. Disclaimer: I submitted it in the end.
To end of 2018, I went on a trip to Iceland for a week. I think we drove for at least 1500km in a span of 6 days. The sunrise and sunset while driving from Reyjavik to Hofn area was so beautiful. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced that kind of landscape. The sky had a pastel gradient of blue, pink and yellow and saw glaciers along the way. We definitely made the right decision to drive because we made a lot of impromptu stops along the way to take pictures of the scenery. The trip could have been perfect if we managed to catch the Northern Lights but the weather was so bad during the last couple of days that we were there. We went aurora hunting and risked our lives (obviously exaggerating) by going into dark and creepy places where it was pitch black but we saw nothing. On the plane back to London, the pilot announced that there were aurora forming on the left side and everyone rushed to the left side that they had to turn the lights on to prevent people from getting up from their seats. I guess nobody managed to catch the northern lights and a lady told us that her tour got cancelled repeatedly due to bad weather. Oh well, better luck next time I guess.
There are a few things that I regret not doing this year, especially baking. I constantly occupied myself with different things, worried about my CV and trying for internships, studying and so on that I neglected baking and barely had the time to bake. Even when I had the time, I just wanted to rest and go out with my friends. I definitely haven’t lost interest nor my passion for baking but I aim to restart and get back into the kitchen after I (manage) to graduate later on in 2019.
It’s been a rough year, definitely. I went through things that I never thought would happen to me but it did and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it but to accept. I guess everybody make mistakes and whether they deserve a second chance is another story. After this episode, I came to realise that nobody had ever meant that much to me thus far apart from my family. That I was willing to try and move on. That I was willing to give a second chance. That I was willing to learn how to forgive. I’ve come a long way. We’ve come a long way. Giving up was always in the back of my mind but I never had the courage nor determination to. Many might not agree with the decisions that I had made and I know where they are coming from but I just want to give it one last try. One last hope. One last chance. If it’s not meant to be, then it’s not meant to be. Not everyone wants you in their life, not everyone is willing to fight for you, not everyone appreciates that second chance but I still hold on to the hope that this person is different. Otherwise, 2019 shall then be a year where I learn to love myself first. To my amazing friends and sister that were there for me during this time, thank you from the bottom of my heart. To this person, please don’t break my heart further than it already has. I beg you.
Despite everything, I am still extremely grateful for all the things that had happened. Grateful for all the love and support that I get from my family and friends. Grateful for all the happy and fun times. At the same time, I would like to apologise to everyone that I had neglected and hurt. Thank you to everyone who has been a part of my 2018.
Here’s to a better 2019!